April 8 2012 ~ Personal Musings

For those of you who don't know, Josh and I are seperated and it looks like we are going to get divorced. It has been a long road.  Lots of meetings with counselors, Pastor, reading books, and talking things out.  Most of the time Jason and Mia are rockstars at handling the life changes we are going through.  There are definitely times where things get stressful and I wonder if its because of what's going on in our life.  Being that Easter is today it just brings to the forefront of my mind about life being made new.  I love remembering how Jesus died so that I might be free from sin and can live in heaven one day.  It is so comforting through all of life's trials that Jesus is always with me, that He's carrying me.  He is giving me the wisdom to know what to do in this completely gray situation that we are in.  And of course the more prayers I/we have the better.  I am looking forward to starting something new.  Life is going to be different but hopefully the new changes will bring some good.  I know it seems like an awful situation to be in, but honestly being seperated these last 4 months has been the best thing for me.  I feel like I am starting to heal some of the wounds that I had from things I have been going through.  I don't think Josh would agree since he is pretty much on his own for taking care of himself; but even that is really good for him.  The thought of being able to just make some friends and build relationships is so exciting for me.  But anyway...... :)  For the next month my goal is to take one picture every day.  I have to do a blog post about it.  This will help me get out the winter jitters and ready to take on summer.  :)  That way I can have more to post than just pictures of Jason and Mia playing in the sand, at the beach, at the park, or well you know the same old stuff.  We are going to branch out a little.  :)

How life is right now

Where to begin? It has been so long since I have written. I have downloaded this blogging app that I am hoping will make blogging a breeze especially combined with Instagram and well all I can say is it will be greatness!  I hope. :) Let's start I the here and now.  Jason, Mia, and, I live on 6th Street in Mankato.  Jason is in the first grade.  Mia is in preschool.  I am working.  Josh moved out in late November almost December.  We have been struggling in our relationship for well if you ask me ever since we met and if you ask him he thinks everything is fine.  Until now.  But he says he moved out because he couldn't take the rejection.  At Josh's advice I have started reading a book called, "I don't want a divorce" by dr. Clarke.  It seemed liked I was on exactly the right path and didn't even know it.  He doesn't like this because I am actually standing up for myself and he just wants me exactly where he's had me for the past 8+ years and when I started doing what I should have done years ago he started throwing a tantrum.  It got to the point where josh was starting to cross some physical boundaries and it was not safe for me to be around him any,ore, especially not living in the same space.  The way he is handling the situation is a lot a lot like when I tried to break up with hi after Italy.  If any of you are are familiar with our relationship you will know that Italy is a sore spot for Josh.  He came back from band tour in love with me and I came back from Italy refreshed and ready to break up with him.  That did not work obviously because we ended up together and married.